I Cannot Live revised
by Aertikka
Summary: Its only been a few hours after the destruction of Parliament, and Evey is looking for a distraction from grief. But the question is will she need a distraction for long?oneshot


This is my first attempt in writing a story, I love the romance between V and Evey, so I just had to do something, lol.

One shot. Romance/AU

The title of the story is I Cannot Live

It had only been a few hours since a new chapter in my life had begun. A new day has dawned. It is the 5th of November, the buildings of Parliament have been destroyed and the people of England are rejoicing in their newly found freedom. I stand above it all, watching the people dance and sing, celebrating like its New Year's Eve. I am numb. I know I should be rejoicing that the tyranny in England has been overthrown, and there is a bright new beginning on the horizon. But my mind is consumed by the thought of the man I lost during the night. His name is V. To the celebrating people, he is the symbol of our revolution, the hero. To me though he was much more than a hero or warrior, he was more then an idea or symbol. He was a man, a man I loved so dearly, and now he's gone and the broken building of Parliament is his tomb.

Detective Finch left the balcony a couple of hours ago, knowing I wanted to be alone. After watching the celebrating crowds, I seek quiet and solitude. Slowly, I walk down to the beautiful gallery that has been my home for several months. I think of what Death has taken from me. My mother, father, brother, my friend Gordon, and now V, the only man I have ever loved have been taken from me by that demon.. Why must I lose so much, everyone I have loved and cared for gone? Tears start to sting my eyes as I realize how alone I am.

"No. I say to myself, "I won't give into tears and grief; I won't give into Death's taunt."

Jumping to my feet, I walk toward the door of the Shadow Gallery. As I open the door I am overwhelmed by the sensations that hit me. The gallery is dimly lit, the smell of old books and artwork surround me. As I step into the room the smell of V's most prized possessions, overwhelms my senses. V's roses, the Scarlet Carson's fills the room with their heavenly odor. The jukebox is still on and as I enter, a new song begins to play; my favorite classical piece "Moonlight Sonata." 'The eerie piano chords seem so fitting for this moment. Tears well up in my eyes as I try to will them away. In the back of my mind, Death is playing his cruel game with me.

"Just give in." the voice teases, "You are all alone, no family, no friends, no V, no one. So do yourself a favor and just breakdown, you know you want to."

I ignore the taunting, and look around, trying to find something that will distract me from my thoughts. Looking through the wide selection of books all I find are reminders of V and I. Looking at the leather bound books, memories overwhelm me. I find myself drifting into memories of playacting with V, he and I playing various roles. Quoting Shakespeare, of quiet night's together, reading a favorite novel. Once again, the sinking feeling of loss flutters in my stomach.

"Too many memories." I whisper softly, " I won't find comfort in our books and novels tonight."

Beethoven's sonata is still playing beautifully as I slowly make my way to the living room. V's vast movie collection lines the walls and realizes this may be the diversion I am looking for. I think to myself "Yes, that will be a good distraction right now."

Going through the movies, nothing catches my fancy until I reach Wuthering Heights. Years ago, when I first read the book, I fell in love with it. That movie seemed like the right choice at the moment. I take the film out of its case and place it in the player. The music is eerie but appropriate for my mood; the strings and flute play their melody drawing me in. I watch the movie in silence. Halfway through the movie, Emily Bronte's poetic schemes start to hit home, Cathy is telling Nelly of her love for Heathcliff

"My love for Heathcliff is the eternal rock beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I AM Heathcliff!" Cathy exclaims.

My eyes well up with tears; the tears come, even though I am trying hard not to give in, trying to be strong. I think to myself, "V wouldn't want me to grieve for him." I lie back against the sofa and close my eyes, composing myself.

Suddenly I feel a familiar presence in the gallery, like I'm being watched. The sensation washes over me like a flood, and I feel like nothing had changed and V is still here. I quickly look around, hoping that it is a horrible mistake, that V is actually alive and in the room. But nothing is there, the room is empty and the only sound is from the movie. Composing myself, I turn my attention back to the movie, once again.

I continue to watch this gothic love story. As the story unfolds and the inevitable tragedy unfolds, the movie reaches the point where Cathy dies. Thoughts of V overwhelm me. Now I realize that Death is winning his game. As Heathcliff finds out about Cathy's death and grieves for her, my grief for V torments, building up until I want to scream out from the pain and horror of the loss.

"Be with me always, take any form, drive me mad only do not leave me in this abyss where I cannot find you." Heathcliff says while I'm lost in my tears now, "I cannot live without my life; I cannot live without my soul." Those words just cut my heart deeply, how true they are.

I can't take it anymore, I turn off the movie and throw the remote as hard as I can to the far side of the gallery, I hear it fall and break. I weep and scream, my grief falling on deaf ears, asking why this had to happen, why was V taken from me, along with everyone else in my life; hating myself for not telling him how much I loved him; blaming myself for not being able to do anything to save him. My physical expression of grief goes on until I am overcome with exhaustion, everything goes black. In my last waking awareness I hear a sound of light footsteps, I feel a beloved touch, I heard his voice whispering to me, "What have I done to you, my love?" Then, nothingness, as darkness totally consumes me.

I suddenly start awake. Strangely, I am in my bed, though my last waking thought was being on the floor in the movie room. I look around trying to remember just what happened last night. I remember collapsing in the gallery not in the bedroom. Flying out of bed I run into the gallery and a thrill goes through my body. There on the couch is my love, my angel, my V. Music is playing softly in the background. . The smell of the gunpowder and his wounds is strong V is cleaning his wounds. He looks up and sees me in the doorway, staring at him with a look of shock. His mask seems to be mocking me with every breath I take. "Damn that mask, damn that grin." I think to myself. My brain is filled with so many questions.. I walk over to him, wanting so much just to touch him, to make sure he's there and not just my imagination. I start to ask a question and he stops me with a leather bound finger to my lips. My lover looks at me and moves closer, a moan of pain passes through his lips. Hearing this my hesitation leaves me and I sit him down on the couch, once there I couldn't take it anymore, I place myself in his arms, feeling the warmth, that comfort, and a sense of peace. I look into those black eyes, and sense a soft smile behind that porcelain frame, and see him wince of pain at my touch.

I move myself out from his arms, and I couldn't take it anymore, I had to know. Just hours before, he had appeared to have died in my arms, and I placed him in that death train, doing my best to give him the funeral he deserved. "You're here, your alive, but..." V cuts me off, "I'll tell you about it later dearest, but now is not the time." His body is trembling with pain; I see the blood on his gloves.

I carefully lead V into the bedroom so I can help him with his injuries. I lay him down on the bed and start taking off his clothing, surprisingly he isn't resisting my assistance, I take off his gloves, and shirt, I leave the mask on, out of respect for him, knowing that when he was ready I'd finally see his face. I notice for the first time the extent of burns on his body. I could feel him looking at me wanting a response. I realize he is fearing that I'll be repulsed by his scars, but instead I'm intrigued by them. Gently my fingers touch the scarring, I bring my lips to his shoulder and kiss the course flesh, I hear his sharp intake of breath. To me, he is beautiful. Now I take notice of the wounds he received just hours before, several bullet wounds line his torso oozing with blood, and my stomach turns over.

Before I could do anything to clean him up, V grabs my hand and pulls me to him, I feel his heat radiating off him. V brings his face to my cheek, the cold mask resting against my face. I hear him whispering to me, "I'm sorry, my love that I've hurt you, I really thought I was dead, I was willing to have my life over." his hand tightens over mine as he continues. "But I realized that I had something important to live for, and it wasn't hatred or vengeance, but you, and your love, willing me not to die." Tears course down my face, "I don't really know how I got out of that train when I did, I probably will never know, but what I do know Dearest is that I love you more then anything; and Death won't attempt to take me away from you again without a fight, I promise you that." I throw my arms around him and holding him closely. Again his beautiful voice whispers, "I cannot live without my life..." I look up at him and I whisper to him, "I cannot live without my soul."

I take his mask covered face in my hands and kiss him lightly, silently knowing that one day, hopefully soon, it will be his lips that I touch and not the mask. V and I start working on his wounds, later on after all was said and done, I watched V sleep. I look up to the antique domed ceiling of the gallery, with tears of joy in my eyes I thank God for His mercy, and blessing. V was back with me, England will rebuild anew, his wounds will heal, and all we will have is our love.

The quotes I used are from the 1992 version of Wuthering Heights

Heathcliff: I pray one prayer, I repeat it till my tongue stiffens, Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living! You said I killed you, haunt me, then!... Be with me always, take any form, drive me mad, only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!... I cannot live without my life. I cannot die without my soul.

Cathy:My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff is the eternal rock beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I AM Heathcliff!


End file.
